i have arrived

I was deeply concerned that I made the wrong choice this morning. I had eschewed my usual responsibilities at Church with the intention of spending the day at a local Buddhist monastery. Thich Nhat Hanh and the monks and nuns of Plum Village were scheduled to lead a Day of Mindfulness concluding their week-long Colorado retreat and I wanted to be there. However, I was alerted that he was also supposed to be teaching at Naropa and the conflict of interest had me worried that I missed an opportunity to be in the presence of such a venerable and celebrated practitioner.

I had been anticipating Thay's visit for months and despite a grave tiredness from yesterday's intensive activities at the U.S. Pro Cycling Championships, drove up to the mountain center. Convoluting a myriad of scenarios along the way - if he's not there, I'll do such and so - trying to convinced myself that whatever the outcome, it wouldn't be a waste of time. But the reality was that I had my heart set on hearing the master speak. If he was gone I would be sorely disappointed. And even though I didn't hear it in person, the morning's gospel was clearly audible in my ears.

As you may recall, Jesus had just anointed Peter as the head of the Church in last week's reading, and today, three verses following, the Christ is rebuking him for short selling the institution out. Peter has legitimate concerns of course. If the veritable teacher is gone by submitting his will unto death, then it's up to him. And Peter knows all too well that he's no savior. So he tells Jesus that this must never happen; he's got to stick around at least a little while longer.

Don't we all feel that way? What shall we do when our leader, teacher, friend, lover, (fill in your codependency) is no more? Ananda, weeping before the dying Tathagata, is much the same as Peter's admission. In the same vein, I, too, was worried about the teacher's absence. But when I arrived at the monastery's parking lot, I witnessed hundreds of followers streaming up the hillside. I was assured in my hopes and thus regained my spiritual footing. But the ground was paved by what Jesus was trying to tell Peter, and in fact was also the same as the Buddha told his closest disciple.

Each of the unawakened chooses to live in the unreal future confines of "what if." In a two hour dharma talk, Thich Nhat Hanh consistently emphasized living in the here and now as the way to freedom. My happiness is not dependent upon being in the presence of a master, even less about satisfying my own desires. As the Buddha said to Ananda, "Each of you should be an island unto himself, with himself and no other as his refuge." Jesus' rebuke to his closest disciple, "Get behind me, Satan...for you are setting your minds not on divine things but on human things," echoes this sentiment. Two thousand years later, we translated this message beginning the day joyously singing "I have arrived." In walking, sitting, and eating meditation I repeated:

I have arrived, I am home

In the here, and in the now

I am solid, I am free

In the ultimate, I dwell

And by the time I left, I felt as if I surely had.

These writings are now being collected at: http://lovealways-pisa.blogspot.com