if only

"How delightful it would be if 'Dorian' could remain exactly as he is, while the portrait aged and withered in his stead. I wish it might be so," cited his creator, Basil Hallward, in the preface of Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray." The emphatic desire had monumental and dire circumstances for him when the book's namesake acceded to the Faustian bargain. And unfortunately it reflected human nature's reliance on wish fulfillment fallacies. If only I could remain young and beautiful forever was Dorian's downfall.

Most people think they would be happier  if only they had.... I'm sure you can easily fill in a relevant ambition. If only I had a better job. If only I had more money. If only I had a new car. If only I was thinner, then things would be better. "If only," as author Mercedes Lackey wisely remarked, "must be the saddest words in the world."

Sad, because they can never be realized. We continually await a future happiness or, if we are fortunate to achieve what we want, we become trapped in a never-ending cycle of desire. As we succumb to the lascivious pull of hope, all that can remain is a sorrowful expectation. 

I saw an alluring woman in church this morning with gorgeous, long and thick red hair and envy enveloped me. It's all I ever wanted, screamed my wanton lust. If only I was that pretty. If only. Ever since I was young I secretly coveted a new life of beauty and grace. For a time I was satisfied with a modicum of success but resignation is my wan and subsequent sigh. I shall never be that for which I long, and so curse the object of my fascination.

And that's what happens in the Passion narrative today. The Christ emerges from the shadows of hope feeding an anticipation for a better world. He arrives as a promise that he never meant to fulfill. When the promise is dashed, the scorned quickly look for something new to take its place. Salvation, the would-be hero, is renounced and life missed its moment of glory.

When we find ourselves trapped in "if only," then it's time to remember what we do have. Instead of languishing in what might be, we must recognize the beauty and blessings underlying the present moment. With the freedom from cyclical desire we soon discover that we can have all the happiness we ever wished for. And that's a promise.

 

love, always,
pia