win-win

Friday afternoon I received a call from Lorraine, "Have you heard any news yet?," she enquired. We were both anxiously awaiting notification about a large architectural project both our firms had competed for. She regretted that their proposal wasn't selected, but later in the day when I found out that my firm was to continue in the process for the possible award, I hesitated to tell my best friend. After all the intensive effort, I felt badly that her well-qualified firm wasn't selected for an interview as well.

Unfortunately, in many of life's situations their can only be one winner and then there are all the rest. As the perennial all-star Yankee shortstop, Derek Jeter says, "If you're going to play at all, you're out to win." Second place, it seems, is no place at all. It often seems unfair because I always want her firm to do just as well as my own - and vice versa. It's a shame we both can't win.

Last week I briefly watched Rafael Nadal's clay court dominance abruptly end at the Italian Open tennis tournament. Perhaps because I am not well-versed in who's who in sports as much as I used to be, I was concentrating not so much on an eventual winner, but more on the general play. But even in my days as a recreational player, the rally was of prime importance. How the opponents set up the point with deftly controlled precision was my fascination and took precedence over the score. If one played well, if a rally lasted over eight strategized shots, that was all that mattered. The serve and volley game, obviously, was not my preference. I was more interested in the control of unforced errors. The point of the point was not to grand slam the other into submission but to join in the congruous interplay where both players can be welcomed in the victory circle.

In a way, that may be what Jesus is telling the disciples in the gospel message this morning. "Do not let your hearts be troubled," he assures them, "In my father's house there are many dwelling places." The victorious, therefore, are not those singled out in triumph but those who find their way home to their baseline. This true home is not dualistic - with the dichotomy of winners and losers - but maintains that all who come shall prevail. But this is what confuses the disciples who see their champion going to an agonizing love defeat. How can that be considered success they maintain. But winning is not the achievement we think it is. The final victory is won when no one is shut out. 

While watering my fledgling vegetable garden yesterday I pondered the following metaphor: The drops of water that do not nourish the planted seeds - those that lose, so to speak - eventually make their way to a greater place. We will enter that house prepared for us, to find our true home, just as these drops eventually enter a stream. When the solitary drop merges with the flowing tide, it is no longer an ordinary, individual drop, it has become harmonious with the all. It has become both all and none, as we cannot distinguish between the single drop and the whole river. Just so, we must enter the master's house — to the room he has set aside for each of us — so we are both one and a part of everything. In this house there is no distinction. Now we will not be an individual — set aside in our self-created, egoic houses — but a part of existence which is from the beginning, a part of our creation. When we live in the house prepared for us, we are empty and full at the same time. And that's a win-win game.

love, always,
pia