three little words

This morning's short passage from the conclusion of Matthew's gospel really resonates with me. In it the author sums up the entire narrative with a sublime truth underlying all of what Christianity stands for. Perhaps more so, it affirms the very heart and soul of all religions. Oh, not in the "great commission" where Jesus sends out his disciples commanding them to attest the word of love to all nations. Nor is it his assurance that the divine spirit forever dwells within us and it is our quest to exact courage in its illumination. No, although these are valuable insights that express the sagacity of the master's teachings, we heard an even more profound lesson in three concise words.

It is of course Trinity Sunday where the Church recognizes the unity of the triune god. But neither do I contend that Father, Son, and Spirit convey today's vital message. No, it actually resides in a clause easily overlooked; "The eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. When they saw him, they worshipped him." It could have neatly ended there - They came. They saw. They conquered - but it doesn't. Only then comes the inconvenient truth: "…but some doubted."  Though the author quickly glosses over these troubling three words and within three sentences the book ends happily ever after, the fact remains some were not so sure. 

We want to be certain - especially about faith. Not simply to be right but to confirm who we are. If we confess doubt we reveal an uncertainty that may question our entire understanding of the world and our place in it. That's a lonely place most of us don't want to go but it's where seekers for millennia often find themselves. Years ago Sister Maria Walburga warmly said to me in profound astuteness, "From now on I'm going to call you Sister Joseph because you are always wrestling with god." It's true, I'm never sure.

Perhaps I learned this from my highly influential high school biology teacher, Ralph Postiglione, who passionately exclaimed, "In life there are no absolutes." Invariably an exception to every rule exists. We just can't be sure so faith becomes, at least for me, a relentless fight to the death. That makes everything very confusing and may explain the comforting security of fundamentalism. With staunch faith, life retains order and hope. But I'm not convinced. Nothing is static as everything eventually changes. 

So, where can we find definitive answers? Maybe that's not the appropriate question. There is a Zen proverb that says the student must have great faith, great doubt, and great determination. With true faith comes doubt. And doubt is about openness to what is. The determination to persevere with uncertainty is the reassurance that our journey is proceeding toward a humility of imperfect understanding. The disciple who doubts are perhaps the one with the most faith.

love, always,
pia